I ran into some guy named Barry Sanders last night at a party and I asked him, “hey, aren’t you the black Steven Manfro?”
Here are couple of my Steven Manfro observations from watching the spring practices so far.
During scrimmage, a swing pass was thrown to Steven Manfro from Richard Brehaut and to my amazement, after catching the pass Steven did not accelerate but rather just nonchalantly walked down the field in route to a touchdown while Bitter Sweet Symphony suddenly started playing in the background. The defense did not, actually could not tackle Manfro just like the extras on the video knew to never touch Richard Ashcroft, because they knew that Manfro just like Ashcroft….. was glorious…. They knew, and I knew.
Kicking game was a big question mark during one portion of the practice and as some of you might know, I originally wanted to retain Kip Smith and have him lineup as a quarterback so that he can use his kicking skills to kick slant passes to the wide receivers. I mean every time I saw Kip kick an extra point I thought to myself, “holy shit that is a perfect slant pass, use your damn personnel correctly RICK!” But this day, after much discussion among the coaches as to who might take over the kicking duties, Manfro just walked up to the holder and motioned to the snapper to let him have an attempt. The kick that followed from Manfro caused a sonic boom in the earth’s atmosphere and in route collided with recent North Korea’s experimental rocket causing it to break apart in mid flight and crash into the sea. In response, Steven just pointed at coach Mora and said, “SWAG – Steven with a goal.” The crowd noise that was being blasted by the speakers suddenly became a collaborate humming melody of Bitter Sweet Symphony as Steven walked away from the field with his collar up. Don’t ask me how he got a collar on a football jersey, only he knows.
Finally, one day I saw a row of players on the sideline with various types of injuries, I will not identify them due to confidentiality reasons but one had a cast on his right arm, another had a cast on his leg, and the third injured player was wearing heavy sunglasses with bandages over his eyes. Up on seeing the sadness on their faces, I went over to the players and told them to keep their spirit up and that things will turn around for them in no time. The player with a cast on his hand just looked at me and said, “It was my fault anyway, I shouldn’t have asked Manfro to pull my finger.” In horror I looked over at the guy with a cast on his legs and he responded, “never play hacky sack with Manfro.” Not wanting to know how the third player with bandaged eyes suffered his injury, I started to walk away to only hear him screaming, “DON’T LOOK DIRECTLY AS HIS SMILE!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT!!”
Steven Manfro…. Look out for this kid.
*Update: We are now the proud owners of stevenmanfro.com, and the mentioned URL will be redirected toward this particular post if you input it in your browser. We are not trying to get any monetary value out of owning it, in fact, if Steven Manfro wanted to own/use the URL later in his career, we will transfer the domain name to him free of charge (after some verification of course). Go Bruins.*