PIW: Thanks for sitting down with us president Trump. Obviously the question on everyone’s mind right now is how will you make UCLA great again?
Trump: Yuge~ question. Yuge~~. Will I make UCLA great again? Of course. First of all, I will build a great wall to protect Josh Rosen. That Jewish kid is getting knocked around like nobodies business. And you know what else I would do? I will make USC pay for that wall. I will build a great wall around that Jewish kid and believe me USC will pay for that wall. Second of all, I will let the UCLA wide receivers know to grab the football by the laces. Just start catching the ball, don’t even wait. You are a football player you can do anything…
PIW: President Trump, have you ever played football? Do you think you are even qualified to be give coaching advice to wide receivers on how to catch the ball?
Trump: Look at these hands, are they small hands?
PIW: Getting back to UCLA, coach Mora is in bit of a hot seat right now. Would you replace him? If so with whom?
Trump: He is fired! No question about it. He is fired! I will also tell you that the next UCLA football coach will not be from the NFL. When NFL sends their people they are not sending their best. They are sending coaches with lot of problems and they’re bringing those problems to UCLA. They’re bringing Offensive Coordinators. They’re bringing wide receiver coaches. They’re bringing their dads. They’re are Lane Kiffin!
PIW: So you would definitely fire Jim L Mora?
Trump: Look at his face! Would anybody play for that? The poor guy, you ought to see this guy!
*starts to squint his eyes and suck in his lips mocking Jim L Mora’s minimalist face*
PIW: And the replacement will be?
Trump: I liked to punch you in the face…